It was farewell, yes I finished my graduation on 2016, and I attended it just to see her. The beautiful girl, she was right there doing anchoring. I thought that was the last day I will be hearing her voice, seeing her as long as I want. She was sick, suffering from common cold, cough, running nose, fever and probably headache after seeing me over there 😂😂😂😂. She saw me while she was doing anchoring and wave her hand by saying hello, though I could not listen what she said and she couldn't listen what I said, I just raise my hand and reply her hi, it's because she was in stage and there was a noise and I was always on floor as seems life always prefer me to stay on floor. There was perfect music or dance but for me it was just a noise because I'm there just to see her, those beautiful eyes like deep blue seas where I could swim rest of my life, that long hairs as like water falls from hills and mountains, those beautiful lips and a mole just above the upper lips to give it's perfection. She was average for others and very special for me, was of average height and of average weight. I don't know what I was seeing on her, but her smile, her laugh that used to make me feel so relaxed ever then. I was feeling happy just by seeing her, her smile, her talk. I always feel nervous being in front of her and only asked for normal questions whenever i met her. Even I couldn't ask for tea or coffee, I always have texted her for that, and there is no record that she replied. Same thing happened when I text her that I was waiting for her at tea shop to drink tea together but I could just see her, she was leaving on taxi with her friends. It was just after.............
After I finished my tea and cigarette just before I tried to called her but mobile was switched off, just before I had texted her that I'm waiting at tea shop and I called her why she didn't reply. Just before I was drinking khukuri rum with my batchmate who were also graduated. Just after I finished my lunch, when she asked me how I'm and in my imagination I hugged her so tightly and said nothing is alright without her, in reality just say I'm okay 😂😂😂😂. Well life wasn't going well that time neither does now. After reaching home, I texted her, to take care of herself, though sometimes it's good to receive the text replied from your loved ones and I got replied, with thank you. As she gets the most busy, we had less conversation on Facebook or Viber, whereas I was free and if she means then there is no value of my time, how busy or whatever you try to make as much time as possible. Suddenly, someday later she asked for a book for preparation of 4th level officer in Agricultural Development Bank, but I tried for 3/4 days but couldn't find it as the requirement was in English language. Well I had too much free time if she had wanted I could have translated it as I told her the same but seems she wasn't interested. Well, that too means I lose a chance to be closer to her, well I again lose chance to drink tea or coffee with her, to meet her even after college days. After certain period……..
Well, yes there was a day coming that specially made for lovers and especially for youth, especially for the idiot like me. And we know there are many days before the main valentine day. I'm so confused either these days are made for increasing expenses or what, for me if you love someone and s/he loves you back, everyday is valentine day, everyday is special. These were the days we were talking more than previously and even we talked about coffee and meeting, we talked about how could we know better about each other. Talked about treat as she has topped TU twice, talked about chocolate she liked and she shouldn't eat as she is sick. Days were sweet, no? When the girl you love replies you, when she talks, when she says something, it's always special for One-Sided lovers, they really becomes happy and crazy and the days will go best as they never imagined and never thought. A kind of freshness, a kind of active mind, motivated and lucky, actually they do have great influence in your daily life or things you are doing. When you are seeking for that person to live your rest of the life, when you are looking for them to be part of your life or you looking for yourself in their live and certainly a sense of positiveness comes when they speak with you, talk with you and try to make conversation. Haven't we………
Talked about our meeting, maybe once a week you, your friend and me? Well later on it only remained talks as like politicians do 😂😂😂😂. When you do hurry about sharing your feelings that also make them less interested on you, I guess or did I experience it? Well, I must say I experienced it. I have texted you on so called purpose day or promise day? “Wanna be in relationship for lifetime
Will you? Hope to meet you in valentine's day”. It must be on purpose day. And your reply was there defending yourself from love, we can be friends for lifetime as you haven't think of future. Haven't you told me I will call you on valentine day and cup of tea or coffee together? Well, when you dream more probably don't get anything, daydreamer that was me. But you may not got time too as you were leading a program that held on Hotel Soaltee Crown Plaza. But you could have texted me, no? Could have said i was so busy and so tired or just have said you were so sick? She was multi talented, she was dancer, anchoring, always active in each and every program and she used to lead many programs. Hey girl……
Hey Girl
I have been watching you?
The rapid beat of my heart
Means I'm falling in love with you
Why did you smile at me?
Make me feel this way
Hey Girl……. Donny Hathaway, singing this beautiful song in my ear, while my thumbs were busy in playing cricket in my mobile phone. And suddenly I heard noise, weren't you saying something about me? Weren't you laughing? I was on window side of bus and you were on temphu with your two friends I guess, and waving your hands to say hello, I just unplug my earphone from ears, stop playing games, and watching you. I was coming back home probably you were to going back to your room. You were on still in college uniform, morning class and then day intern at college and in the evening back to room, I know it's your daily schedule. I could have talked or said something but I'm not sure you would have listened it, so I just looked at you, the charming face, laughing together with two of your friends? Were you talking about me and making joke of me? And laughing? Lampblack on your eyebrows, light red colour lipstick on lips, and that smile, it always gives you perfection for me. It was great, to see you just for 2/3 minutes, smiling and laughing. Just few .....
I noticed you lose your weight, didn't you? Of course, I am not sure but I keep up noticing things about you. Everytime I see you, something maybe just one thing I keep noticing. I was there at your college premises, I can't tell it mine cause I'm already graduated and you are still on your 4th semester and next 4 semester still you will be there. So it's your college, TU topper. And you helped me that day, well none helped but you did. Couldn't say thank you, that time, but I did text to you later on but no response yet. Probably a tea or coffee or cold drinks, I wanted to offer but you didn't come. I guess it's not due to your two times treat remaining 😂😂😂😂. That's also the same time when I noticed you lose your weight, I know your friends used to call you buffalo is that the reason? 😂😂😂😂😂 Who knows. Hey, hey do you remember how we met? For the first time? Since when I started noticing you? Since when we started talking? When I started irritating you?😉😉😂😂.
I must have seen you in earlier days on my 5th semester, I guess so, but I never noticed you. Just being busy with daily routine of home-college-office-home, all 5 days of a week was with same routine, though Saturday and Sunday was with different routine. Saturday was sleeping day and Sunday of course too sleeping day but morning there was classes. I'm sure that I have seen you when I was on 5th semester but I never noticed. 5th semester was finished, and 6th semester started, yeah it did started 2/3 classes and there was the earthquake 25th April 2015. Well I didn't knew neither you knew me and I didn't do volunteer from NATHM but with my own sponsor, been to many villages, done work for them, and obviously distribution of food materials and zinc plates for more than 2 month I guess. I was on my own world, as travelling has been my great passion I never thought of anyone and anything. Today also it's the same, if there is a thing of traveling I don't need anyone but after seeing you, I wanted to be with you, travel with you. Though, it was frightening moments of life after the earthquake and regular aftershocks but I had great opportunities for knowing places of Nepal. With my continuity of 6th semester study I couldn't do more volunteer work,so I get back to Kathmandu after almost 2 months later. And next day…….
Yep, there I was in my college premises again, wasn't that the day? First time ever I noticed you? Well, I was searching for another internee of NATHM and I was there to ask you about her? Yes, you were little fat that time then today you are. And then I got to see you regularly, even I guess you were not searching for me or willing not to see me. You may have got bored of my hi or just of my ridiculous face everytime smile in front of you. And there was the day when I could see you more beautiful, as you were just you, T-shirt of NATHM and blue pant. You were looking extremely beautiful. There is no word to describe that moment and I had only gone to just see you, those big eyes, expression with friends, grinning and everything about you. And very next day sent you friend request on Facebook. I didn't know what to talk with you, since same day you accepted request, and I told you, you were looking gorgeous and you said thank you. And after some days, you told me to help you to find a room around Koteshwor or Tinkune areas, I asked few of my friends, but couldn't find. And that was the thing which make us not talk more, not made us close, the chance I miss to be closer to you.
“Loving can hurt
Loving can hurt sometimes
But it's the only thing that I know
When it gets hard
You know it can get hard sometimes
It is the only thing that makes us feel alive”.
Ed Sheeran, most of the time he whisper this songs in my ear, and it's the song I only downloaded after she suggested me, though I had heard it before. Well, I could never force her to love me back. I can't force her to reply my every text, receive my every call, obey what I said, and even to make free time for me so we could meet. She has got her own life whereas I have got my own. Maybe, she is damn busy on her own work or she is already in relationship with someone? Or, who wants to fall in love with an ordinary and a ugly guy?who wants to marry a poor guy? That all are question that plays in the mind. But in really, anything could be the reason, if somebody doesn't love you, there is no option to make someone to love you. It's been so long that I haven't seen her, last time I saw her was in small electric vehicle for few minutes. Since then, I haven't seen, but I saw her photos, and I went through all the comments on her photos then I find there, she is probably in relationship. I can do nothing, except wishing her wellness, except seeing her beautiful smiles, if she is happy obviously, I don't need more than that. In this moment of life, I realised that everyone got their own life, own doing (karma). Maybe it was my mistake that, I was too hurried, or I would have first make myself a better person so that I could have deserve her.
Sometime in the future maybe we can get together, maybe share a drink and talk awhile. Sometime in the future we can share our stories.
I keep moving on…...
Via - Kumar Neo
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